Was it worth it ? Would I do it again? what did I learn ?
why did I decide to be celibate ?
Last year, I had an intense break up with my ex and it really hurt me. I hate feeling vulnerable and wounded so, I decided to send him a long text about being over him. After I did that fake I’m so happy for you bullsh*t. I redownloaded Tinder and started swiping. I Also texted my ex boyfriend who I was basically obsessed with and started up a flame again I basically threw myself back into the dating single life hard hoping to not feel anything and I crashed. I had sex with my ex and this is how F*cked up I am, I stay drinking dumb b*tch juice because I bought the hotel we stayed in !!! yes, you heard me right I payed for the hotel. Anyway it was not what I was expecting and after that I decided I was done and I needed to just heal and stop making toxic hurt decisions.
What did I learn ?
When I first started to reflect I thought I did not learn anything. I did not do this celibacy thing right because I did not go out on dates with myself or do all the other things other people have done. I was wrong, on my sex sabbatical I did not speak to guys who were trying to flirt with me I did not give out my number or entertain men or women I stayed away from all things lovey and intimate. This showed me who really wanted to be with me and those who just trickled in.
During this time I did not date myself but I did go on a self journey. I raised my standards no longer accepting the bare minimum because I’m a bad b*tch and I deserve to have dates planned out and initiated my the guy. I deserve to be CHASED because I am a catch and if he does not act like the man I deserve than he can’t be my man and that’s on periodT, honey.
I also started working out focusing on my health and getting my revenge body popping. I started this fitness journey out of anger and hurt and its been giving me confidence and strength in myself. Now I am doing this for me. I am fasting and eating better actually taking care of myself again mentally and physically.
Also I’ve advanced in my career pretty fast. I used to work for a retail fashion store and now I am a paid intern at labor union ! I focused all my energy into myself and my friends and family and I made it through this year. I came out of it even more successful.
Would I do this again ?
I would definitely do this again. It kept me grounded in myself and it kept me intentional in my actions.
I would like to recommend you to try it. It doesn’t have to be for a year maybe just 1 month and write down and notice your actions and how you are changing. Maybe do a gratitude journal and answer self-discovery questions.
- What is your biggest fear ? How can you accomplish it ?
- What is your view on life ? why do you have this view?
- Whats your biggest insecurity & how can you take steps to love it ?
- What do you love about your self the most? why?
- when are you at your happiest? how can you be their more ?
Ultimately it was challenging because I had all these options of instant pleasure and happiness even if it was only for a day. On the lonely days it sounds like heaven but that’s when you throw your energy into something else or reflect ask yourself why are you having theses feelings?