It’s been 1 year 2 months since I made a vow of celibacy and it’s going strong. I’m never gonna lie to you guys, I’m a very intimate person I move quickly to the sex part of the relationship may be because deep down I feel that’s how to keep them close around or I really just like sex or even BOTH!
My Latest Temptation
Recently like 3 or 4 months ago I started talking to this guy I had a fling with back in 2017. I was a sophomore in high school at the time and he was a junior, I met him during summer school that year through another guy I was involved with…(shh) let’s call him “Ken” any way Ken started walking me home because we lived in the same direction over the next few days our relationship had progressed the other guy we met through would walk me to the train where ken had already been and we’d both get on the train leaving the other guy. Soon after We started making out on my porch, in allies, and in restaurants too. We were young and Horny.
We stayed in contact over the years but we never became an item he moved to school across the country. There was no heartfelt goodbye because we never were involved in that emotional way. We just proceeded with our lives. Now he’s back been back for awhile physically but now he’s back talking to me. we are texting throughout the day and sometimes at night and we meet up and hang out randomly if we are free. We basically play everything by ear.
We have been in communication for about 3 months now. I think I like him but I’ve decided to stop contacting him for a few days because I’m starting to redevelop lusty feelings for him. Even though I’ve never slept with him I want to. Sometimes when its dark outside and everyone’s gone to bed we sext and that has been very helpful on some lonely nights.
Dealing with those lonely nights
Just because you’re celibate doesn’t mean that you have to be horny and lonely. You set up your own limits, You are in charge, if you only want to hold off a few months do that if it’s only a week do that! Set up your goals based on what’s best for you!
Some of you know how I got twisted up after my breakup and made some “out there” decisions (sleeping around) *cough cough* and I decided to be real with the realest on my team… My-MF-self and we decided we didn’t want this for ourselves. Sleeping around and avoiding my feelings isn’t who I am. Soon after I embarked on a journey to this very tricky world of celibacy and I am learning how to navigate my new life.
My new/old entanglement was/is based on our sexual attraction to each other. This is why I’m not sure I like him because it could just be my hormones screaming for some nice, deep, long, passionate, and hot sex. Sorry, it’s been a while since I’ve had the real thing and not just a toy lol.
Some things that have helped me stay in control when I get hot and bothered is Masturbation! It is the BEST thing to do when fighting off lusty sexual tension. I know some of you will say that I shouldn’t but I beg to differ. When you touch yourself you learn more about yourself. It’s apart of self-discovery just not the part of self-discovery that people talk about.
Obviously, the “easiest” way to not be tempted is by avoiding sexual and tempting interaction with that person. This is what most people say but I disagree because the more I have to stay away the more I want them the more I crave their touch and the way they make me feel and how I could make them feel. it consumes you all the sexual thoughts, all the imagining. It’s the worst temptation you could possibly have.
Dating while keeping a vow to yourself is hard! Especially if you really like this person and when they say cute things to you and give you butterflies you just want to jump their bones. yeah me too. I would like to recommend masturbating before you go out with that person so that you are less likely to be swayed to sleep with them because you’ve already made a release.
Warning this tip isn’t for everyone especially if you don’t have much willpower. Try discussing masturbating with each other next to each other or on the phone. This is if you two are serious not just want to be together without being together. Tantric sex can be very sexy alone or with someone. The sole purpose is to be intentional and notice what pleases you gradually leading up to orgasm. please be with someone who understands your vow and also respects it. when you are tempted to go further one of you has to stop the other not talk them into it because trust me you will be feeling icky in the morning. Regret.
Telling them you are waiting.
It’s very important to tell your partner that you are waiting in the beginning. One thing I’ve learned during this pandemic is that many of us don’t know how much time we have left. I would hate to waste any of my years, months, and days on someone who Is just in the way of my goals and add no real value to my life. That is why it’s important to not only date someone who knows where you stand with your celibacy vow but respects it.
So many people are just hypersexual and sexualize everything and anyone. Like I said before I think this is because no one speaks about sexual practices they spend so much time trying to restrict teens in their young days than actually talk to them about Sex. During your celibacy journey, you may start to notice how “interested” people are in you V.S. your body.
When I told “Ken” I was very adult about it lol. Nervous still but he couldn’t tell. I just brought it up like it was normal because it is and said what I needed to (not in detail) I tried to answer any questions he had about when I might be ready and what that meant for our intimate relationship.
I know these arent the tips you were expecting but if you are open to it I think you should try them. The worst thing that happens is you learn what doesn’t work for you and who really wants to be with you vs just in you. As always lovelies follow my blog to be notified when I post and comment on your own stories and thoughts.