Hey Berry babes, as many of you know I went on a celibacy journey after a really bad breakup of mine in 2019. In the year 2020 I decided to go celibate after 3-4 months of poor decisions making,attempting to fill a void to make myself feel better. This is not what I wanted to do or the kind of person I wanted to be. I literally had every dating app there is and I immediately started strengthening my index finger to compete in the olympics. It can be 2am and I’m up swiping left, left, left, the occasional right and more lefts until I run out of swipes and hop on another app.
I should add I have quite some history with dating apps since before I was 18….yikes i know i know. I didn’t do anything too bad but I did use it as an endless fountain, a magical source of some sort for self esteem. So naturally when my relationship ended I went back to the place where I was worshiped -online. The thing about dating apps is most of the- wait scratch that majority of the people on there are looking for a hookup. Don’t get me wrong we’ve all heard about the sarah’s and chad’s, jessica’s and tim’s who met on tinder and have been dating ever since maybe has a kid or is getting married but if we learned anything from he’s just not that into you Excuse my french (clears throat these bitches are the exception and not the rule.
So, as I was looking at the matches I made and chatted with these guys who used cheesy pick up lines on me. Flirting just to flirt, making guys and girls feel like they had a shot at something more (…sex) even though I knew I would never actually meet with them I just wanted to feel wanted, to be desired. Proving to myself and my ex that I am “lovable” and they just lost out on the best thing for them.
This was happening not because me and my boyfriend at the time broke up without actually having the break up conversation. Which was very shitty by the way. But because I stepped into the dating scene with little knowledge on how the dating process works and the responsibilities of others feelings I was just living recklessly and moving with no intentionality.
Are you like me? or maybe you don’t want to be like me and are wondering what is something that you can do to prevent yourself from going out there and dating unintentionally because when you date unintentionally and when you set out into the world without a plan you often get results that you were not expecting. So, you want to have some type of outline of what you want out of the situation that you’re about to enter into and that is something that I did not have. I was talking to people because my feelings was hurt but I didn’t have an actual plan on what I wanted from these interactions and from these people. How was I ready to be in a relationship if I didn’t actually have the answers to those questions? I didn’t even know what I wanted as a person before I decided what I wanted from someone else.
If you are very religious and going to church every Sunday, something that’s very important to you and this other person you are dating is not religious and they could care less about going to church every Sunday or about being in a traditional religious structure. In the beginning this may not seem like such a big deal but as you go further down the line and your relationship progresses, it will be. This is something that you want to think deeply about- about the type of people that you’re searching and looking for because that is the key in preventing unnecessary heartbreak.
That is why it is really important to do step number one which is to get your self figure out. Date yourself -figure out what you want? What kind of person are you? What does (your name) like? This is extremely important because these are life altering decisions. Some you can fix others are permanent,so you want to make the right choice. ( Try answering a few of these questions to Start )
- What are some things that bother you ?
- Why do you want to date?
- What is the end goal? A family? Marriage? Maybe you want a travel buddy?
- What kind of life do you want? more traditional roles? City or country?
- Do you want to work or have kids?
- Do you want to move every year ?
- what you want
- what kind of person are you?
- what is your your day-to-day life look like and how do you do you incorporate a partner to that?
ACTION STEP- what are some of the daily activities that you really enjoy and then spend the weekend doing things that you really love by yourself. Put as much energy into these dates as you would if you were dating another person.
Dating with intention is simple It literally just means that you have some version of a plan in your mind about how you want your relationship with yourself and the other person to be.
This is not to say you won’t face hard times but to say that this is not something that happened by chance, you wanted this, You prepped for this so you’re ready to give it your all and ready to see your relationship flourish.
Anybody who takes those Necessary steps are bound to be heading straight for success with that being said below are some date ideas for a whole weekend to pair up with the questions above that I’ve come up with to help you begin your journey of dating with intention